Every parent dreams that their baby was happy and healthy. But the older the children become, the more difficult it is to find a common language with them and stay on the same wavelength. It’s been a long time since we (the grownups) were raised as children. The world around us has changed a lot. The old rules, tips and requirements have stopped working. Modern moms and dads have to come up with new approaches and styles of education, it’s not the 1970s anymore.
Often adults think that they know better what their pupils really need. Although there are such paradoxical situations when mom and dad themselves can not restore order in their lives and figure out what’s what. So it’s not that simple. And in order not to make irreparable mistakes in education, listen to the advice of experienced child psychologists.
The Science Of Raising Children: Parenting Tips From Child Psychologists
While child psychologists may differ in many areas, there are a number of commonalities among them – below are 26 tips of parenting gathered from child psychologists.
Set a Positive Example
Adults should think positively. They should not forget that children in the process of education always take an example from them. If mom and dad will look for only the good in everything, sooner or later the children will begin to adhere to the same position. This advice does not mean denying reality. It’s just not necessary to find only cons in it.
Try Not To Argue Senselessly
Psychologists advise to give indisputable arguments. It’s not enough to just ask you to say no. They want to understand why they were not allowed to eat ice cream, play in the yard, turn on cartoons. Unreasonable prohibitions are not accepted in the process of education. And this is fraught with scandal and hysteria. In a controversial situation, you can simply give advice and see how it will be perceived.
Adults should not accuse each other of improper methods of education, especially with children. Quarrels of parents with a child leave a negative imprint on the fragile psyche. Children will immediately think that they are to blame for the conflict between mom and dad, and will feel bad. In addition, the pupil may think that all his wrong actions are the fault of mom and dad, and not himself. Psychologist’s advice: be scared in private, and show warm feelings publicly.
Do Not Advertise Material Difficulties
Adults should not talk about financial problems in the presence of children. The preschooler still does not fully understand what money is and why it is not needed. Older children who hear that the family is in financial difficulties will think that mom and dad are not able to take care of them.
Don’t Scare Them
Your can protect your children without terrifying and intimidating them, there is no need to make them think the world is ending or they are doomed to suffer. If you are developing extreme fears, find a psychologist to speak to – DO NOT unleash these fears on your child. The preschooler’s psyche is easily traumatized, and fears will control their life. Psychologists advise not to do this.
Do Not Impose Your Values In The Process of Education
Understand that the baby is a full-fledged person who should have the right to choose. Very often, adults try to realize their dreams in pupils. It seems to them that if they could not become accountants and designers, their “descendants” will be able to. Valuable advice: do not decide for the younger generation.
Let’s Them Be More Self-Relient
This does not mean that at the age of 3 it is worth letting go for a walk alone – extremes are useless. But there is nothing wrong with the fact that a boy or girl from an early age will wash their own dishes, make a bed or clean up toys. The sooner their parents teach them to do this, the better. How to instill labor skills in the process of education read here.
Notice Progress and Praise It
It is impossible to take the successes of the younger generation for granted. Parents in the process of education should not forget that the kids need their support. If adults praise the child for the fact that he received a “five” at school, he will understand that his efforts are not in vain. That would be a great motivation.
Psychologists advise not to compare your baby with anyone. Many parents after watching intellectual programs dream that their pupils were the same smart. However, not everyone is able to know 10 languages or play chess at the age of 3. Don’t make your child jump above your head.
It is necessary to engage not only in mental, but also in spiritual education. Explain what is good and what is bad. Many adults think that all this is elementary. But children sometimes find it difficult to give rules. Explain again such simple truths that you do not need to be rude to the elders, fight on the street or offend the younger. Give advice on how to act in a given situation when you are asked.
Set An Example
To become a good person, first of all, you need to understand what it is. Parents should use examples to explain what such qualities as good manners, kindness, diligence, courage mean. For this, your favorite cartoons or fairy-tale characters are suitable. Psychologists advise not only to read together, but also to discuss the plot of the work.
Don’t Change Requirements
The opinion of parents should be authoritative. That is why you should not change it several times a day. The pupil must understand that “no” means “no”. If, under the onslaught of tears and constant requests, adults begin to give up, the younger one will understand that he can manipulate them. Listen to the advice of psychologists and do not allow yourself to be manipulated.
Do not forget that the baby is also a person, although still very small. Therefore, he may have problems and experiences. It is useful for parents to communicate as much as possible with their daughters and sons in order to be aware of what bothers and saddens them. Otherwise, they will feel lonely.
Don’t Spoil Them Too Much
No matter how much children love gifts and toys, you do not need to bribe them. Many parents, due to lack of time, decide to pay off in this way. But this is the wrong position, which will definitely play against adults. A little time will pass, and the baby will completely unlearn to buzz and beg. And before making a purchase, even for your money, you will consult with your elders.
Say What You Love More Often
This is one of the most valuable tips. Declarations of love are not just words. It is very important for pupils to hear how they are valued and how they are loved. The more often parents stroke, hug and kiss their children, the stronger the bond between them will be. If adults behave alienated, children feel unnecessary and unloved.
Don’t Be Screaming All The Time
Whatever the situation, mom and dad shouldn’t raise their voices. Any scream is stressful. As a result, the baby becomes whiny, insecure, withdrawn. He also begins to think that adults are too weak to deal with by other methods.
Tip: if you are already accustomed to constantly screaming, then gradually try to get rid of this manner of communication. Otherwise, to be understood, you will have to speak louder and louder.
Children can be scolded, but do it right. The most important rule in education, which must be remembered by all parents: criticize not the person, but the actions. That is, you do not need to tell the baby that he is bad. It is better to say – “you did badly” or “I did not like your act.”
Praise In Moderation
Despite the fact that children are pleased to hear praise and compliments, adults should not forget that everything should be in moderation. Parents who expose their baby as genius and uniqueness do not receive anything good in return. It is important to remember: the assessment must be objective. Psychologists advise alternating 2 praises with one criticism.
Cultivate Financial Literacy
Children can be given gifts, but not constantly and in reasonable quantities. A child can very quickly become spoiled if adults do not control themselves. The kid from an early age should learn to understand the value of money and material things. Otherwise, he will not appreciate the actions of his parents.
For a child, there is no one more important than mom and dad. Therefore, when parents begin to quarrel, the baby perceives this situation very sharply. It seems to him that adults no longer love each other, which means that they also do not need him. That is why you should not swear in public. It is better to clear the misunderstanding in private, and then act together.
Be Genuinely Interested
Show genuine interest in the hobbies and tastes of children. They always want to share their successes with their elders. Therefore, in no case should we say that now there is no time for this. Children very quickly notice when they do not want to pay attention and react painfully to this.
Communicate On an Equal Footing
Do not constantly look at your pupils from the top down. The kid and without it understands who is in charge of the family. It is better if from time to time parents will squat down or kneel and talk to their child on an equal footing. So he will feel that there is not only mom or dad nearby, but also a close friend.
Help When Asked
If the baby asks for help, he definitely needs to provide it. No matter how small it may seem to adults, for a child it is very important. Stick a sticker, make tea, turn on cartoons – for a child this is a big deal. And if adults constantly refuse help, they will stop asking for it.
Equality In Education
In families where there are two or more children, everyone should be given the same amount of time. Many problems arise from the fact that the elder thinks that adults love only the younger. And the younger at this time thinks that adults do not take into part with his interests. Everything and always should be equal. How to make friends with children, we have already told.
Work On Yourself
The child always takes an example from mom and dad. Therefore, it makes no sense to tell him that watching a lot of TV is harmful if you do it yourself. First of all, you need to educate yourself. And when in the eyes of children there will be a worthy example of parents, they will begin to imitate him, and everything will resolve itself.
Nurture Hard Work
It’s worth teaching your children to work from an early age. This is the last piece of advice on the list, but not the most important. Let them be the simplest duties. The main thing is that they are observed regularly and with pleasure.
Education is a very complex and lengthy process. However, everything can be handled if you give children enough time and listen to the advice of experienced psychologists and ask yourself the right questions first.